April 25, 2017
It has been almost six months since you walked away. Moreover, I can finally say, everything has changed already. From the moment I open my eyes in the morning until put myself to sleep, I know things were not the same as before. Waking up to my phone without your name and messages on it is like slapping me with the reality that you don’t care about me anymore – YOU ARE NOT GOING TO CARE ABOUT ME ANYMORE. Every day, I would stare at myself in front of the mirror. I would ask myself where I have been… Only to find out that my genuine self has gone somewhere else – in the island of anxiety.
It was not an easy feat to pull off with my anxiety. Every time I talk to people, I feel like everyone will leave me anytime – just as you did. Separation anxiety, social anxiety, relationship/friendship anxiety, name that anxiety, I HAVE IT. I have frequent anxiety attacks, whenever, wherever I am. It just won’t get off me. No matter how hard I try to be happy. I just cannot because how can I be happy without my source of happiness. More like, how can I be happy without you? Until I realized, it’s the dumbest reason ever. I can be happy without you!
This will be the last time I am writing my thoughts about you for I am closing the doors of my monochrome world. Thanks for helping me build the foundation of my world. Albeit you weren’t the one who will put the colors needed in it, I’m still grateful you did your part. Nevertheless, you’re still allowed to enter my world but I am not going to entertain you anymore.
Actually, it’s not the love that hurts, it’s the absence of what it does. You just have to learn how to deal with pain until you don’t feel it anymore. However, I’m not saying that you have to be numb in order not to feel the pain anymore. There’s only two things you can do while dealing with pain – ENDURE and CONQUER.
Part : Endure and Conquer